Oh Mai Gawsh!
by angelcorrupted
Summary: L, Mello, and Near have all been murdered by Light... so who else is there to take over? WARNING: COMPLETE CRACK.


I do not own Death Note, or anything else mentioned here.

* * *

The view out of the task force headquarters showed a setting son obscured slightly by buildings, turning the sky a pretty mixture of oranges and pinks. The streets of Tokyo were still busy, and the television screens were playing the six o' clock news. More news about criminals and about how Kira's killings had increased rapidly. Same old, same old.

Well, sort of.

Inside the Kira task force headquarters, things were not going as normally as any fan who knows the way of Death Note would expect. Things were slightly close to chaotic, assuming they hadn't reached such levels yet.

You see, our beloved L Lawliet has long since been murdered by Raito, and sadly Near and Mello have met the same fate soon after. How? Not even Raito knows how that happened, but now the only person left to take over was...

Our beloved gamer.

Shall we take a look at the mess Raito Yagami has stirred up?

--

"Sir!" one of the men called out. You would know him as Aizawa, though without his afro he really wasn't much of an interesting person anymore.

"Yeah?" the voice was slightly monotone, a sign from this person that he was highly distracted and was most likely not going to hear a thing you said.

"What are your thoughts on the new found information?" Aizawa asked, raising an eyebrow at the red haired leader.

"Well, according to my Mario Kart, I keep coming in second to an NPC that's ironically named Kira, therefore we are going to lose at something against him in the near future..." Matt's voice faded, the pinging of his DS the only thing keeping the crickets from chirping.

In approximately forty seconds, the gagging of somebody having a heart attack – ooooh, what a surprise! -- interrupted the beeping. The gamer's eyes slid up from the DS, noticing Aizawa on the floor. Common sense told him he was dead.

"And people told me videogames weren't good for you." he sighed, shaking his head and placing a lit cigarette in between his lips.

"Matt! We just lost Aizawa! What do you intend on doing?!" Light's voice rang out, no hint at all that he was trying to suppress laughter.

Matt didn't look up from his game. "The window's over there. Below it is a dumpster. Toss his body down there... just make sure no one sees you. I don't have my cheats with me to take the wanted stars away. I don't want to lose my newly acquired brass knuckles and shotgun, either."

Light looked at the boss, who was actually younger than him by about three years, out of confusion, but hauled Aizawa's body over to the window anyway. Gathering up all of his strength, he threw the dead police officer's body out of the pen window, wincing when he completely missed the dumpster. Aizawa landed on somebody's car, taking out the windshield. He also set off the car alarm in the process.

"..." Matt blinked, staring blankly at Light.

"..." Light returned the blank stare.

"OHMAIGAWSH!" Matsuda's voice ricocheted off of the task force walls, causing any fangirls roaming around the sidewalks to assume the dirtiest, and run away to go find something to stop the blood that began to pour from their noses.

"..so... anyway... Kira-Sim has taken a job in Law Enforcement, ironically. He's somewhere within this task force. Also, he has adopted a dog that follows him around wherever he goes and ironically has the name of Shinigami, therefore Kira has a Shinigami following him around." the redhead took the cigarette out from between his lips, exhaling the smoke. After a moment, the cancer stick was back between his lips.

Too bad he was oblivious to Light's psychotic eye twitch at the correct information.

"OHMAI! Wait, what's a shinigami?" Matsuda asked, cocking his head at the two other boys.

Light looked at him like he was insane, his eye still twitiching wildly. "It's a God of Dea-"

"OHMYGODWHERE?!" Matsuda screamed/interrupted, attempting to duck under the wheely-chair next to him. Unfortunately, the chair rolled over his neck, crushing that very important artery there and instantly killed him.

Light, once again, attempted to suppress his maniacal laughter. That only caused his eye to twitch even more.

_Touta Matsuda 11:45 am_

_Acts like more of an imbecile than he already does and hears of a monster and gets frightened and ducks under a chair with wheels, only to have that chair roll on top of his neck, crushing the artery. Dies on the spot._

"Hmm..." Matt hummed, now onto playing his computer games rather than his DS.

"What is it, Matt?" Light sounded concerned, but it was probably just because his eye was getting on his nerves.

"This player over somewhere else in Japan has the screen name of 'KirasnameisLY', and he's a stupid hacker who is invincible. Therefore, Kira's first name begins with L and ends in Y. Who do we know like that?" Rhetorical question. Matt didn't seem to be paying any more attention than Aizawa, which clearly said something.

Que in the more rapid eye twitching by **L**ight **Y**agami. "Ryuuk..." the brunette hissed, clamping one hand over his mouth and the other over his eye.

"If you'll excuse me, boss, I need to step out for a moment."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. YES! I told them we needed the Tank more than the Priest. Pwned!"

Light shook his head virgously as he left the headquarters, retreating to the apartment him and Misa shard, along with Ryuuk.

"RYUUK!" Light screamed once he closed the door, which caused Misa to trip over her own foot and fall through the window. That idiot.

"What is it Light? _Hyuk hyuk_."

"Have you been playing World of Warcraft using the name 'KirasnameisLY'?"

"Maaayyybeee. You ran out of apples."

"RYUUK!" Light shouted, glaring fiercly.

"Hey, this is all because you killed L, Mello, and Near. If that Matt kid had never started playing that game around me, I wouldn't have started playing it!"

"How are you affording the monthly payments?"

"..."

"..."

"... your credit card that was maxed out."

"RYUUK!"

"Sorry."

"Can I have things back to the way it was?! I think I liked dealing with that pesky chocoholic and kid who eats his toys better! I, the God of this new world, should not have to put up with this!!"

"_Hyuk hyuk_. Well, sorry, Light, but L put me up to this.. y'see... you basically are high.. and..well.. uh.. it's difficult to explain. Point is, none of this is serious. L is alive.. and... well... OH WAIT."

"..." Light blinked.

"You're asleep, and you just blurted out that you're Kira."

"...fuck you, Ryuuk. Write my name down, please. If I die, I'll wake up."

"Whatever."

Forty seconds later, inside MU.

"YOU TOLD ME IT WAS A DREAM!"

"I lied. I was about to die, so I needed a lifespan. And, well, you wouldn't like me much if I just took it away from you without telling you about it."

"...and this is all because I kilec L, Near, and Mello?"

"Yup."

"I never knew how much they contributed to the plot. Dammit!"

"Hey, that Matt kid is alive though."

"He's pretty cool, though. Besides, he can become the new Kira!"

"OHMAI!"

"..."

"..."

"Don't do that ever again, Ryuuk."

"OHMAI."

* * *

...what the fuck. I don't know what that was XDDD


End file.
